Dear Abang

Dear abang,
This is me writing a letter to you, somebody I haven't been able to settle with since we haven't met and been tied in a holyness marriage vow.
I am just writing this to tell you how I feel lately
I have been tired to answer all the questions being asked to me this whole time, when will I marry, which guy, what he looks like and what kind of" home"we gotta build together in the future.
Why are they questioning me again and again
I don't think anything about marriage before, but seeing one by one my girls leaving me to marry the man of their life sadden me more
I am too greedy of wanting them to stay the same but I know I couldn't
People have been asking and wondering why this quarter of century age I never date, and not yet get married
It sucks abang but I never really care about this and keep laughing whenever they ask
I believe everyone has their priority and life plans on the go
But do you know bang? It hurts me when my parents ask how my readiness to marry and worry how this would end
How If when we leave and youre still on your own, they said
Whats gonna happen to my daughter If she's not yet finding that one man
I have been getting close to many but one never stay long, I can say until now I keep ending the story on my own
I get tired of meaningless conversations, holding hands going everywhere but at the end should be the one who let go, that hurts
I'm too tired of all the drama going around
I have come up on my own and stand to uncare of all those lovey dovey things
People say I'm picky, I'm hard to get closer to, no I am not
I just wanna make sure you are the one I want but I am still struggling to find you
I dont want to be the one who find, oh abang how it will be great If we find each other
Sometimes I feel like I dont need one in my life
But I know this can't be this way, some reasons push me to think about it lately
There is this condition when I feel so fucked up, I need somebody to calm me down and discuss things but my friends aren't always there
They have their own priority, life and struggle

How do I say this I can't even think much
I need you
I am tired of standing on my own this whole time
How's life on your side going?
Where part of this world you are living now and how we gonna meet?
Sometimes I wonder, just sometimes
I believe everything happens with reasons behind it
So does this time to stand alone that I should cherish
Loving myself more and doing more and more good things
I know I might be not the most beautiful girl to you
I may not the one who's stand gorgeus with make up on me
Or the one with the finest body
I bring the scars and all the life stories I want you to understand

But I want you to know I'm the one who will go through all the struggle and journey with you
Travel the world and completing our bucketlists in life, witnessing each other achieving things
Or staying home together and doing nothing
I can be the home you're going to come back whenever youre tired
And while we're still away from each other I'll make sure I'm on my happiest
Doing all the things in my life rightfully
Let me live my life in the track I've been walking, doing things I want, filling my time before our meet in useful ways
And make the wait worth it
Dear abang, you might not read this letter since we haven't been finding each other
I just want you to know that I'm here

Written in a ruined mind,
Sincerely,
Your future lover